air-rage

we arrived back in england a few days ago. the flight back was dreadful on account of an air-rage incident involving one of the passengers.

me.

I'd hit the vodka the moment we got to the airport and by the time I got on the plane I was wholeheartedly cabbaged. still, i would have been fine if it hadn't of been for old cheerless mark giving me filthy looks at every given opportunity.

i tried to ignore him but it was difficult as i was sitting right next to the cunt. eventually i’d had enough. i stood up to go to the toilet and accidentally elbowed the fool right in the middle of his gloomy looking boat

"you bastard … !" he said, holding his nose in a hopeless attempt to stop the blood from reaching his DaZ white chinos.

it was then i really lost it and accidentally punched him in the head about 15 times.

suddenly it all kicked off. there was lots of shouting and scuffling and before i knew what was happening i was dragged back out of my seat, up toward the front of the plane, and put in to a pair of fucking handcuffs.

i was screaming by now, calling everyone cunts, making sure they knew i was suing the fucking airline.

"I'M GONNA HAVE YOUR FUCKING JOBS!" i screamed.

i don't think they give a shit to be fair and the next thing i knew was being lifted up off the floor and plonked into a seat. i struggled to get up but my hands were cuffed behind me and once they put the seatbelt on that was me fucked.

We’d no sooner landed at heathrow than these two airport plod came storming up the aisle to escort me off the plane. i had to pass all the lads on the way to the exit: john, carl, souness, lamps and mark. all of them had their heads down. ashamed i suppose - at their betrayal of me. only souness had the courage to look up.
"do you want me to wait for you marsh?" he said.

i just ignored the potato.

i was slung in the cells to sober up. eventually a plod came in, spent about 5 minutes walking up and down, all important, like one of them inspector jack frost type of a cunts, before charging me with disorderly conduct.

"you're lucky," he said.
"am i?" i said back.
"Yes. lucky the plane wasn't diverted. you'd have copped for diversion costs as well as a fine. Still, the fine will be pretty substantial i would imagine ... "
"what would have happened if the plane had crashed?"
"i'm not sure, you'd probably have been charged ... are you taking the piss lad?"

eventually he slung me back in the cells for another hour before letting me out.

they brought me luggage over which was a touch but all-in-all i was pissed off with how the day had gone to be fair.

i just wanted to get home for a kip because i tell you one thing ... i fucking well deserved it.