he's alive
The coast guard found him yesterday two miles off the coast of Ibiza. The poor sod had drifted 62 miles before they caught up with him. He was in a bit of a state apparently, suffering from 3rd degree burns and shock. He had a touch of the old starvation too on account of not having anything to eat for 8 days. He’d had nothing to drink either which only added to his troubles. He should be dead by all accounts. No way to spend your holiday is it? Poor sod. Still, at least he’s safe, that’s the main thing. It could have been a lot worse if you ask me.
They took him to the burns unit in Alcoy. Apart from his dopey bemuda shorts he’d not had on any protection from the sun. Always get factored up, that’s my motto, especially when you're out at sea. It’s a hard lesson to learn.
He’s refusing to see me at the moment, which I think is a bit harsh but he'll come round. Mark's spoken to him. I do not understand that at all - agreeing to see Mark and not me. That miserable face is the last thing I'd want to see if i'd just come round after 10 hours of reconstructive surgery. (It had been necessary for the surgeons to operate straight away to save what they could of Frasers face. According to Mark they'd had to use bits of Fraser’s arse to make him a new nose).
Marky boy – I've personally seen that miserable fucker in a new light since we've been on holiday. The bloke’s a lost cause. All he does is mope about all day reading self-help books. Have a lager for fucks sake. Lighten up. Anyone would think it was him that got burnt. Imagine how Fraser feels mate. Have some fucking compassion why don't you. Those books he reads? The first one he read was just after Christmas. His cousin got it for him. It was called ‘The Tree of Happiness.” He liked that so much he went and bought the next book in the series … “Climbing up the Tree of Happiness.” Apparently that’s better than the first one. Now he’s reading another one. This one’s got an even longer name than the first. “Making yourself at home at the top of the fucking tree of Happiness” or something like that. From what I can tell he’s spent £40 odd quid on the tree of happiness books and is more miserable now than ever. Oh well … as long as he’s happy!
They took him to the burns unit in Alcoy. Apart from his dopey bemuda shorts he’d not had on any protection from the sun. Always get factored up, that’s my motto, especially when you're out at sea. It’s a hard lesson to learn.
He’s refusing to see me at the moment, which I think is a bit harsh but he'll come round. Mark's spoken to him. I do not understand that at all - agreeing to see Mark and not me. That miserable face is the last thing I'd want to see if i'd just come round after 10 hours of reconstructive surgery. (It had been necessary for the surgeons to operate straight away to save what they could of Frasers face. According to Mark they'd had to use bits of Fraser’s arse to make him a new nose).
Marky boy – I've personally seen that miserable fucker in a new light since we've been on holiday. The bloke’s a lost cause. All he does is mope about all day reading self-help books. Have a lager for fucks sake. Lighten up. Anyone would think it was him that got burnt. Imagine how Fraser feels mate. Have some fucking compassion why don't you. Those books he reads? The first one he read was just after Christmas. His cousin got it for him. It was called ‘The Tree of Happiness.” He liked that so much he went and bought the next book in the series … “Climbing up the Tree of Happiness.” Apparently that’s better than the first one. Now he’s reading another one. This one’s got an even longer name than the first. “Making yourself at home at the top of the fucking tree of Happiness” or something like that. From what I can tell he’s spent £40 odd quid on the tree of happiness books and is more miserable now than ever. Oh well … as long as he’s happy!
posted by Johnny Splodge at 11:21:00 am
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