the dagenham gig

the dagenham gig was bad. I'm struggling with writing this as I don't even want to think about it to be fair. I've quit the band, that goes without saying, I can't live with the embarrassment of it all. the 'shed's' are no more.

Fraser didn't even argue with me. he knows disaster when it kicks him in the bollocks. he reckons he's going solo. i told him good luck buti his chances are slim to poor if you want my opinion. he's a good guitar player and that but he's lacking something. i think it's charisma though i could be wrong.

lamps starts crying after the gig. the four of us were stood at the bar waiting to get served. this was taking a while on account of the old duffer serving us had alzhiemers and kept forgetting that it wasn't 1950 and he wasn't boxing tea-bags for tetleys. 

"it the end of an era," says lamps, shaking his head slowly.
"what are you on about you benny?" i says, "you've only played one fucking gig with us"
"i thought we had something together," he says, big scary freaky eyes woggling about all over the place. What a twat! what a complete and utter fucking twonk!

i call a cab. take me away from this place for fucks sake! 

The cab arrives and me and souness get in. (don't ask ... the cunt followed me out).

The journey home was just more bollocks - souness trying to sell me a pair of nikey trainers he bought down the lane.
i smell a rat.
then i realise it's just souness the soapy cunt.
"why the fuck did you buy them for if you didn't want them?" i says.
"no i like em like," he says, "it's just they're too big for me feet". 
"what size are they?"
"Size 12 like."
"what size feet are you then?"
"8."
"so you're a size 8 and you bought a size fucking 12? how did that happen you spanner?"
"i know," says souness nodding his stupid permed head in acknowledgement of something that he was thinking. "they took old souness by surprise mate. caught me off guard like know what i mean like?"
" right so you didn't try them on. Well i'll ... "
"... yeah I tried them on but i was in a hurry know what I mean?"
I'm not speechless. I wish I was. I wish I could have been surprised by the stupidity of this moron but I wasn't because you see: that's the sort of twats i hang about with. what that says about me I don't know and to be honest ... i don't even really care that much. 

I don't even bother to say goodbye to souness. the cab pulls up outside my sisters and I get out and, just about remembering to forget to pay my share of the fair, make my way inside.
"see you marsh'" whines a toxic scouse voice from behind me.
i feel like crying. i open the front door and head off up to bed and sleep and non existence.